Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
