I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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