1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My dick has a subreddit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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