His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
