In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
