does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize