why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
