and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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