The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
