I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
