First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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