quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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