Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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