also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
