I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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