Non-Jews are for practice
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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