i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
