In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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