Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
