Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
