you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
