shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
