mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
They are going to name an STD after you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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