Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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