Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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