if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
