I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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