it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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