Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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