i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
