I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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