Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
