Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
