I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
