hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
