He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
