At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
