I need help removing her.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize