What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
