I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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