hotel room ftw
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
