Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
