I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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