WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize