"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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