A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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