mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize