After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
