ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
