I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
