Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
