If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
