Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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