we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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