He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
