38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
