There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
