Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
