You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
