Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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