She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
