My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
