i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
