On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize