why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
