apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
