fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
