Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
