And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
