When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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