My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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